...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
