They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
