Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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