I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
