Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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