I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
