A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
