We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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