your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
