the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
