Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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