I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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