and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
