i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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