I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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