Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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