She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
