Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
