My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
