fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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