she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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