Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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