which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
