my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
