meet me or not, i'm out of control
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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