dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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