im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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