My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
