Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
