I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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