so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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