I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
