I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
