My room smells like vodka and shame
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
