some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
