I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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