They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
