I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
