By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
