do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
