I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
