I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
