I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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