good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
