omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
