I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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