:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
