Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
