The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
