a queef is a wish your heart makes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
