I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
