My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
