Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
