Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
