the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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