In America we eat man semen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
