I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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