You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
