take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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