:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
