not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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