u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
