I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
