smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
