you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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