Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
