It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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