were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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