um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
