I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
