there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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