guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
