she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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