The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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