Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
