so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
