The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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