We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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