Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
