chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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