her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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